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How To Talk To A Sugar Daddy: Getting Started To Getting Paid

By Dr. Emily May
Everyone would love to get paid for their company, which is why so many people are turning to sugar relationships. However, getting them started can be a bit tricky to navigate. Striking up conversation with a match on a dating app can be daunting enough, so the added pressure of wanting money from them, adds a whole new layer of intricacy to your interactions. That’s why in this article we’re going to break down the best ways to get a conversation started with your sugar daddy, keep them interested and most importantly ask for the allowances you want.

What Is A Sugar Daddy?

First and foremost we need to familiarise ourselves with the sugar relationship. The typical relationship is comprised of a sugar daddy and a sugar baby. Many people have heard of sugar daddies but often find themselves asking what is a sugar baby? To put it simply, the sugar baby is the youthful counterpart to the sugar daddy, who provides companionship and gratification. The sugar daddy on the other hand, is the experienced older man providing the money or “sugar” as it is so referred to.

Sugar daddy relationships come in all different forms, an older woman can often be a provider to a younger man or woman in what’s known as a sugar momma relationship. As well as sugar daddies providing care to younger men in gay sugar daddy relationships. So there’s definitely something for everyone.

There’s also the misconception that every sugar daddy is going to be a dirty old pervert. Whilst sugar daddies tend to be older, there is certainly a large portion of them who are fairly young to middle aged that are just too busy for a traditional relationship. Their best compromise is often to pay for the satisfaction of companionship and admiration whilst not having the additional stress of maintaining a traditional relationship.

How To Attract Sugar Daddies

That’s enough background for now, it’s time to get into what we came for. If we want to even get to the point of starting conversation with a sugar daddy we need to be attracting them. That’s why it’s important to be putting your energy into the best sugar baby sites and apps if you want to increase your chances of finding one. Simply creating an Instagram account with a few fancy pictures won’t cut it. Your best bet is to use dedicated platforms that target sugar daddies.

It’s important to cast your net wide and diversify your approach if you’re looking for fast results. Relying on one platform can still work but it might not be the most efficient in the long run. Once you’ve decided on the platform/platforms of your choice, it’s essential to make a captivating profile. Remember that a sugar daddy with plenty of options is going to be flicking through only taking notice of the ones that stand out. If your profile consists of nothing but a single profile, you might as well be invisible.

The best practices for a successful sugar baby profile are:

  • Try to demonstrate your personality in your pictures too. We know you just want to capture your good side but looks aren’t everything. If you can give good clues as to who you are, it will ultimately help sugar daddies view you as a companion.
  • Pick a good alias! You certainly shouldn’t be using your government name to be shown publicly on these profiles for safety reasons. But also, see it as another opportunity to reflect who you are. It could be something flirty, something naughty or something posh. Anything that sounds good and can grab the attention of the sugar daddies. For example HoneyBella, LittleSugarplum12, FunLover and so on!
  • Write an awesome bio. Some people find this the most challenging part and for good reason. We can’t be writing essays that will bore your sugar daddy to death. Likewis you can’t just leave it at a few words that show no effort. If the platform you’re using allows you to tag interests then you won’t need to go into too much detail about what you do for fun. But always try to include some of your best qualities that can entice sugar daddies. Be it your flirtatious side, intelligence, being career driven, charismatic you name it!

If you need a more detailed guide on ways to attract a sugar daddy then check out our sugar baby tips for beginners.

Starting The Conversation and First Impressions

Once you’ve created a winning sugar baby profile your inbox notifications will be blowing up your phone. So it’s time to learn how to navigate the early stages of the conversation. While you can send cheeky messages to stirr up some interest. Sugar daddies and sugar mommas will typically reach out to you first. Just know that if you do decide to message your potential sugar daddy first, try to stand out. Don’t hit them with a stereotypical, lifeless, lowercase “hey” because they are probably bombarded with these messages. Instead opt for something witty that makes them laugh or get’s them talking like “Without mentioning any financial transactions, why should we invest time in each other? 😉” It’s light, playful and get’s them thinking about you two together.

Now, when it comes to your sugar daddy messaging you first, it will be almost impossible to predict what they’ll say to you and have a perfect response locked and loaded. Instead, exchange pleasantries as yourself and comment on something positive about them to demonstrate interest in them. Try to steer the conversation towards these few simple topics: If they have ever done this before? “This” meaning, having a sugar baby. What brings them to the platform that you’ve conversing on? Be it sugar daddy related or not. Finally, ask a little about what they do for work.

The significance of these questions is it gives us a good idea of whether they’re legitimate without coming across rude or intrusive. Learning if they’re a first timer or not can allow you to comfortably transition into what they look for in a sugar baby and vice versa. Why they use this platform as opposed to others can help to find out what they’re after in terms of an arrangement. And finally their line of work will give a good indication of what they can realistically provide when it comes to allowances.

Topics Of Conversation For You And Your Sugar Daddy

Sugar dating can be difficult at times when we have to relate to someone who is from a completely different walk of life. So, we’re going to break down some great topics of conversation that should help you find some common ground with your benefactor.

Get Him To Talk About Himself/Herself

To some degree, we all love talking about ourselves. As part of a healthy ego, we take pride in our accomplishments so it makes sense that we like to share them with people interested in us. In the case of a sugar daddy who is likely very successful, driven and well lived. It’s safe to say that they will have a lot of accomplishments to talk about. Try asking playful questions that allude to this like “What’s a skill or talent that you possess that most people might not know about?” Or maybe consider asking “How do you handle setbacks or failures, and can you share a story of bouncing back from one?” Everyone loves an underdog story, so successful sugar daddies will revel in telling you a story about how they overcame adversity.

In getting your sugar daddy to open you might learn a thing or two about them that should help you ease into the flow of conversation.

Talk About Travel

A sugar daddy will have travelled the world so there will be plenty of stories to share. Even if you have not travelled much yourself, it can be a good opportunity to ask some questions about your dream destinations. Plus, travelling the world with someone is one of the best ways to get to know them. So with enough fantasizing and talking about couples trips maybe your sugar daddy will consider turning one of those into a reality.

Talk About Your Talents

Conversation is all about give and take. So, to balance things out consider mentioning your hobbies or talents to your sugar daddy. A major benefit of doing this is it gives them a good insight into who you are without giving too much information about your personal life. If you have unique or interesting hobbies, don’t be afraid to share them. A sugar daddy who takes a respectful interest in what you do is likely to be a good candidate.

Talk About Food

The pallet of a well-versed sugar daddy is bound to be quite sophisticated. Having the money to eat at fine establishments all over the world will mean that food is a great topic of conversation. Ask them about their favourite cuisine, favourite dishes, wost dining experiences the lot! Food is also an awesome place to find common ground. We all need to eat to live so finding someone else who lives to eat can quickly become your foodie friend. This also segues quite nicely into dinner dates if you decide to meet up with your sugar daddy.

Talk About Their Good Looks

As a sugar baby, you’re familiar with the feeling of receiving a compliment about how you look. For a sugar daddy, however, a person who might rely on other attributes of attractiveness probably hasn’t been complimented on their looks in a while. Many sugar daddies tend to lean on their wealth to attract a beautiful woman. A nice curveball that you can throw their way is aspects of their good looks, maybe the way they dress, their nice teeth, dimples whatever stands out to you.

A fun little game can be comparing them to a good-looking celebrity. Just try to avoid any back-handed compliments.

Talk About Pets

If you’re an animal lover this can be a nice way to delve into their opinions on other animals. The age-old debate about being a dog lover or a cat person can tell you a lot about them. The chances are most sugar daddies are going to prefer dogs, them being man’s best friend and all, so maybe have some pre-planned questions about their favourite breeds or a childhood/current pet.

Go With The Flow

Remember not to put too much pressure on your conversation. Getting to know a sugar daddy should be a fun experience so it shouldn’t require hours of preparation to send out a message. A good sugar daddy will also be good at leading conversation, so relaxing and letting them steer can be a fun part of the journey!

How To Bring Up Allowances

Now it’s time for the moment you’ve all been waiting for… How to start the conversation about allowances! For some of you lucky or experienced sugar babies, you might already have your tried and tested method that works. But for the beginners out there we’re going to discuss some safe options that can help get the ball rolling. First, it’s important to understand that provided you’re talking to a genuine sugar daddy, both parties are looking for an arrangement that makes them happy. Approaching the conversation with this in mind can really help to take a lot of the pressure off and be more understanding.

However, establishing your boundaries early on is one of the most crucial parts of getting your arrangement right. Meeting a sugar daddy is a delicate dance of meeting each others expectations. But this is exceedingly difficult if you don’t know where to draw the line. So take some time to figure out exactly what your boundaries are. Are you willing to meet your sugar daddy? Are you comfortable providing pictures and video calling? Do you want a strictly virtual arrangement? These are all things you must consider before you start a conversation on allowances.

So, if you’ve met your sugar daddy through a sugar daddy platform then it’ll be obvious why you’re talking to them. So it’s easy for you to ask a question like have you had any previous sugar babies and what were your arrangements? If you’re talking on a platform not specifically made for sugar relationships you’re going to have to take the plunge and address it at some point. So our advice would be to engage in conversation for a little while before dropping them a message that get’s straight to the point. Here are some examples:

“I appreciate the time we’ve spent together and I think we have potential. To keep things transparent and avoid any misunderstandings in the future, could we discuss a financial arrangement? It’s a little uncomfortable to bring up, but it’s important for us.” – This approach uses a little bit of self awareness which can certainly help to take the awkward edge off of things.

“I value honesty and clear communication in any relationship. So I think it’s important to talk about the financial part of our arrangement. If you’re open to having that conversation?” – Here we’re openly expressing our values and expectations but also setting the tone for the future of the relationship. If a sugar daddy is okay with this then you’re on to a winner.

“If you’re familiar with sugar daddies and arrangements would this be something that you’d consider? Being a Sugar provider is kind of crazy, but maybe we can clear the air a bit and talk about an arrangement we both like?” – In this instance we’re reminding our potential sugar daddy of what’s in it for them. It can be easy to come across as selfish and entitled in these sorts of exchanges, so reminding them of what they’re getting is also a good tactic.

How To Increase Your Allowance

As a sugar baby already receiving an allowance you may begin to feel underpaid for the work that you’re putting in. So how do we go about asking for a raise? Well we need to make sure that we do not offend the sugar daddy in question. A common approach that some sugar babies make is to undermine the wallet of their sugar daddies to manipulate them into getting more. Not only is this foul play, but it’s also extremely ineffective. A sugar daddy who feels disrespected is never going to part with more money.

Instead take a more of a grateful approach to acknowledge what they do for you. For instance “I’m so lucky to have you, you help me out so much already, but something unexpected has come up” Framing it like this brings up the conversation in a more positive light and explains how they can help you. Then proceed to talk about what you’ll need the money for. Don’t just say because I deserve it, because this is bratty territory. Rather, talk about things like “I’m just looking at this bag, but it’s out of my budget” or “I’ve got these tuition fees that I just can’t cover and I’m already in a lot of debt” Things like this are reasonable everyday requests that your sugar daddy can potentially help you with if he’s feeling generous.

Just make sure you don’t cross the line and come off as demanding!

The Dos and Don’ts of Sugar Daddy Conversations

If you’re not one for rejection then you might not be cut out for the sugar daddy game. Full transparency, you are going to get the door shut in your face a few times before you find a good sugar daddy, but it’s a small price to pay for a taste of the high life. With that being said, there are certainly things you should be doing to maximise your chances of landing your ideal sugar daddy. And also some things you should completely avoid as they will blow it for you.


  • Remain confident even if you’re new to sugar dating. It’s important to be sure of what you’re looking for. Some sugar daddies will try to take advantage of naive sugar babies and lowball or exploit them. That’s not to say all sugar daddies are like this, but it’s a good way to protect yourself against the bad eggs.
  • Be respectful and polite. Regardless of how rich your sugar daddy is, he is still a human being with feelings and emotions. Don’t be blinded by the dollar signs and forget to treat them well. After all, most sugar daddies are looking for a good companion for the right price so demonstrate your caring and compassionate qualities.
  • Compliment them and listen well. These are skills that will serve you well all throughout your sugar dating. By giving your sugar daddy well selected compliments you show interest in him. Not to mention, listening well without interrupting and asking appropriate questions shows that you have his full attention. Being attentive builds trust which is crucial in sugar relationships.
  • Be yourself. Obviously we want to portray an air of elegance for our sophisticated man. But try not to get lost in this persona. It’s better and more sustainable to talk about your real interests and aspirations as opposed to playing a character. Getting caught up in your own web of lies will be an immediate red flag for a sugar daddy.


  • Don’t be too forward. Most sugar daddies want to feel like they have won you over. So if you’re pouring it on too thick it can seem a little forced and transactional. Refrain from being super flirty and downright dirty if the situation doesn’t call for it. And don’t dive straight into the money talk.
  • Don’t use profanity. There’s nothing that comes across more unladylike than swearing like a construction worker. A sugar daddy typically wants a classy lady who can fit in well with his lifestyle. So do your best to curb any bad words that come to mind particularly in your first impressions.
  • Don’t be too demanding. As a sugar baby it’s easy to feel entitled to your sugar daddies money. But if you start to become too spoilt and bratty don’t be too surprised if your sugar daddy wants out. If you feel like you aren’t being treated right then a conversation is the best way to go about it. Barking orders is a no go.
  • Don’t be completely dependent on your sugar daddy. A sugar daddy can be a great supplementary income. But the nature of the relationship is very uncertain, so you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket. If you’re completely financially dependent on your sugar daddy it’s a recipe for disaster if they decide to cut ties. Furthermore, sugar daddies can easily manipulate a sugar baby who relies on their money to get by, which can also lead to sugar daddy scams. As an important word of advice, don’t quit your dayjob if if their money is better.

Keeping Your Sugar Daddy Interested

So if you’ve followed our amazing advice you’ve likely bagged yourself a successful sugar daddy who is now spoiling you silly. But for some, it can be a bit awkward to keep your sugar daddy entertained for the long haul. Many sugar babies attempt to keep up a facade of perfection which can be fun at first but get’s a bit boring after a while. As a companion of a sugar daddy you need to be stimulating and one of the best ways to do that is to get to know them. Have conversations that you would in any other normal relationship. Ask questions that you would like someone to ask you. Talk about things that make you happy, sad, excited, goals and aspirations. Things that make you, you!

Communication is key and it’s important to address feelings and expectations so the relationship doesn’t break down. But a sugar daddy likely doesn’t want the conflicts and drama that come with a normal relationship. So weigh up the pros and cons of any potential arguments to come. Ultimately, if you feel like you aren’t being treated right, don’t be afraid to walk away. Money is great but your personal health and wellbeing is priceless.

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